I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
