if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
