Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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