remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
