Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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