so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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