Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
