I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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