Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
