I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
