i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
