I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it's like iHOP with fire
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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