I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
