your parents love me but you hate me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
