I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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