I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
