she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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