we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
