This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
