i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
