Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
