i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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