i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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