There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
