I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
