Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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