why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
