CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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