Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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