i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
