the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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