his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
