I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
