I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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