My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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