I didn't shave. On purpose
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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