He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
