wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
