if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
