are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
