im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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