I'm so fucking centered right now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
