i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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