there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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