I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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