I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
