Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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