Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
