Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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