I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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