I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
