K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
