when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
