I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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