Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
