I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
