And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
